Overdosed from partying, my ass was deeply connecting with the couch on the evening of the Chinese New year. My roomie actively danced in front of my nose, trying to motivate me to get dressed and get out there.
After some consideration I forced myself into acceptable clothes, but when I was ready to depart, my partner in crime jumped into her sweatpants and got chained to the couch herself.
The world upside down in an eye blink, I waved my house mate goodbye and tried to navigate to the party without getting hit by fireworks.

I have never seen such a chaotic scene in my entire life.
Of course there are no regulations, so the sky was exploding and I was walking in a sea of junk beneath a rain of ashes.

It was very reassuring that the queue for entering the Lama Temple was bigger than for the opening of the Primark in Brussels, though.

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Chinese violate the idea of the specialness of fireworks completely. For one whole week, they are lightning up boxes full of the explosive stuff around the clock. It scares away the bad spirits and welcomes a big cloud of freshly squeezed pollution in return.

You will wake up, go to sleep, eat, pee and connect in a peaceful war zone.

In the beginning I was still excited about the beautiful eye-concert (YAAAAAY! FIREWORKS!), but after a while, the smog came and the sound of non-stop detonation started to annoy me untold.

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Bad weather, pollution, dead streets and lifeless camera lenses.

The moment that I got something tangible sent by mail from home in my hands, I woke up out of an ignorant dream. This fantastically handwritten poem by my dad made me realize that I was actually really gone. Everything that I had been experiencing so far felt so natural that I forgot to think real. I am indeed living in a the constant input of new people and experiences, but back home there is a life that I had forgotten to miss.
Doing what I love keeps me away from what I love the most.

Iā€™m kind of stuck in Beijing right now, due to the New Year, all trains are fully booked and pretty expensive too. Moreover, I needed to wait from a package from my bank, which was delayed because of the Chinese New year, of course.

The capital becomes a ghost town, because the locals flee to the countryside and the hotels get filled up with Chinese tourists. There are only a few shops open and ā€œ...because of the CNY..ā€ is one of the most common used sentences you will hear.

I love this city, but I was forced to stay a little bit too long, so I also saw the ugly side of it. Time is money, because my life here does not allow me to live on my budget of 12 Euro a day. I get seduced by the night life and the wonderful local food.

Being forced to stick around for such a long time gave me time to think, and overthink.
Am I running from something or actually chasing dreams? Sometimes I am wondering what the hell I am doing here, and then I wonder what the hell I would do back home.

Mirror, mirror on the wall.

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